DYSON'S DIARY 2009       

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Menorca Tour Party 2009

Dobbo

Ives    Benny   Becky   Batts   Belly

Gaz Nuttall    Craig    R Stephen

R Squirrel   Mr Bong Head    Mrs Bong Head

Jordo    Liam    Sam    Ben Hampshire

Timmy    Dave Clayton    Julie Clayton

Joanne   Pottsy  John Morley  Albert Morley

Almo

Menorca tour report by the Rawdon Legend (“RL”)

Friday 16 October

The 2009 Menorca tour was soon upon us and this year we were back touring as Barnsley CC, after a one year break touring as the Rawdon Gents CC due to unforeseen circumstances.    

 New tourers came in the form of Jordo (a man mountain from Geelong, Australia), Ben Hampshire (a 17 year old from Barnsley), Liam Tegg (a posh lad from Kent) and Sam Kennett (a pizza hut chef also from Kent).  

The plane got off on time so there was only time for a brace in the airport bar. The 3 x 330ml cans of Stella for £10 on board seemed very expensive, even more so when Benny didn’t buy his round. It was agreed that we would got to San Luis on the way to the apartments to get Lunch and a week’s supply of cigs. RL and Ives stocked up with 200 each but Benny only bought 40, surely that couldn’t last him for 7 days, could it?

Mr and Mrs Bong Head had done as they did the previous year and flown out on the Tuesday. They reported that the weather had been very windy and they hadn’t been in the pool yet, but with “Scorchio” weather forecast for the week ahead none of us were worried. The new Friday tradition is to head to John Morley’s villa to catch up with old friends and get some ale in. Everyone fancied a dip in the pool but it was too windy. Greg Batty didn’t let us down and had a 5 minute splash.

Another Friday tradition is the meet and greet at the Tennis club bar in the S’algar complex which normally has 1 person working and you cannot get served, but it was a lot better this year and we caught up with many old faces including Dave Greener a former tour member but is now in charge of the bar for Menorca CC.

Saturday 17 October

Magpies 88 Barnsley CC 89-4

Most tourists were up in time for breakfast in the square before our first game against the Magpies. Experienced tourists RL and Benny proved a good nights’ sleep is vital on this tour being first to the hotel bar. Becky dismissed this theory being last in the previous evening and third to the bar.

Due to work commitments Dave, Julie and Mathew Clayton and their friend Joanne joined the party a day late along with Timmy.  

The Magpies just like the All Stars the year before were a bit of a mish mash of a side led by former Menorca CC player David Nuttall. In a Jesters style toss it was decided that Barnsley would bowl. Townville’s new signing Greg Batty opened up along with RL and kept it tight early on apart from the odd wide. Ives, Teggy, Sam and Jordo all picked up wickets and The Magpies capitulated to 88 all out. Teggy and the hard hitting Becky opened up and Becky didn’t let us down whacking a huge 6 over the nets. The total was passed with relative ease, only Ben Hampshire failed to make an impression, some say his shoulders were sore from carrying Benny and RL home the night before but this cannot be confirmed. After a few glasses at the cricket ground with Greener (well done for bringing the prices down) it was back to the villa for a shower etc.

We decided to try out a new venue in the evening for dinner. This was the interestingly named Blue Anchor Bar not to be confused with the Blue Oyster bar in Police Academy described on wikpedia as “the Blue Oyster Bar is a fictional bar, and the setting of a recurring gag-scene of the comedy film series. The bar is a stereotypical depiction of a leatherman's/bear gay bar, featuring patrons dressed up as bikers in leather clothing, police officers, sailors, and other stereotypical masculine gay fashion archetypes” some say Greg Batty had hoped it was the Blue Oyster Bar but Belly denied the rumours.

The key to surviving a week in Menorca is finding bargain beer prices and Ives did a great job in negotiating the beer at a reasonable price per pint with the owner of the bar and a dead ringer for the janitor out of scooby doo. The food was pretty good as well but the biggest cheer of the night came when match of the day was on. Darren Bent scored when he took a shot on goal and the football hit a beach ball thrown on the field by a thick scouser and the ball went in to the back of the net.

It was soon time to go home when Benny fell asleep but on arrival back at the villas the rest of the lads weren’t ready for bed and decided to have a sweet fight much to the annoyance of Belly.

Sunday 18 October 2009

Barnsley CC 175-4 Menorca CC 174-4

Having a pint before the game in the bar is usually a Jesters tradition not one normally associated with a professional run outfit like Barnsley. However a beer was still taken before we set off to the ground for our second game against Menorca CC.

Becky and Teggy opened up and found little trouble against the Menorcan opening bowlers. To be fair they did not get much help from their fielding colleagues who looked like they were all wearing roller blades.  Ben Hampshire continued consistently, by not making any runs again, so it was left to Benny, Bats and Sam to get us to 175 which we thought was 100 too many.  

Bats opened up but with Sam to give RL a breather after his hard 2 overs in the first match. Sam bowled well and picked up a couple of wickets but Bats struggled and scouts from the Central Yorkshire League decided to fly home. The only consolation for Bats was his pal Belly was there to offer him some comfort. During the first ten overs Becky, who had only just come back from injury either tripped over his pint or his fags on the boundary and injured his knee again. Timmy was on hand to come and sub field on what he thought was the right wing. RL and Ives came on and did a reasonable job together but its very difficult bowling to batsman with not much talent who slash at the ball and the only shots they produce is a slog to cow corner and a mis-timed edge to third man, at this point RL knew what it must be like playing in the South Riding League. Effectively the game was won with about 5 overs to go so Ives decided to give Jordo and Belly a go. A few overs later he had his head in his hands as they got smashed all over. As Belly finished his final over he turned round to see if Bats would reciprocate the comforting he had received earlier and yes he came over and consoled him. The game was getting more like an episode of Mr and Mrs rather than a cricket competition. Ives could only do one thing and turned to Benny who duly obliged, his last over went for 5 leaving Menorca CC dejected and 1 run short of a draw. A late celebration after the game with everybody meant we could only go to the square for dinner.

After a nice meal and a selection meeting we decided to have a game of 21’s. This proved a disaster for a few but none more than Benny who started off well but fell away in the later stages. With a big game the day after we only stayed out until 3.00am and there were no real naughty people but smoking inside the villa annoyed one tourist (that will be me then -ed).  

Monday 19 October 2009

Barnsley CC 98-9 Rampside CC 100-8

The first morning game for us was against Rampside who the Rawdon Gents had played and beaten soundly in the final the previous year. There were a few sore heads from the night before and pre match coffee was taken rather than the usual choice of beer or rose wine.

A decision had been made before the game to let Benny replace the injured Becky as opener. Benny stumbled out rather than strolled out with the gypsy looking Teggy. The next 20 overs were a disaster and the batting was shambolic against some average bowling. Only Benny could make 20 and he has now fully incorporated his job into his batting. Instead of calling yes or no when running between the wickets he now pretends he is on the sign at work and calls stop or go. With Dave Clayton (wearing the ridiculous yellow helmet) and RL in at the end we managed to make 98-9.  

Heads were down as we made our way out to field but the good thing about having Dave Clayton in the side (apart from when he abuses the opposition forcing the game to be abandoned) is he raises spirits. Bats certainly pepped up as he took two wickets in no time and even managed to break a stump, questions were asked where he was going to stick it. Sam also bowled well and at 40-5 we thought we may have the game in the bag even though RL got slogged for a 6. Ives turned to his tenant Benny to bowl the last over and Rampside still needed 6 to win the game with two wickets left. His first ball was a dot and the second was a glance down to third man where R Mathew (R Squirrel) should have given them the single so the better batsman was off strike, unfortunately he was still half asleep dreaming of performing with his band at Glastonbury, fumbled the ball and they ran 2. The ball after the same shot was played to R Mathew and this time he must have been dreaming about his girl friend performing in Barnsley the night before while he was away as the ball went straight through his legs for 4 handing Rampside the game on a plate.

In a drunken state the day before, Dave and Timmy had volunteered to play for the Magpies against Menorca in the following game. Timmy’s first excuse was he had no socks but straight away ten of our lads offered him some straight away. He then said that his ankle was hurting so sat it out. Dave did turn out (even though he was thirsty) and realised an 8 year old dream playing under the captaincy of his hero Dave Nuttall. The magpies even won and when Menorca’s youngster was getting slapped for 6 nearly every ball you could still hear the encouraging shouts of “well bowled Ben” even though they were from Timmy.